remember the milk

remember your lunch, your homework, your jacket, i say.
remember to pick up the dry cleaning, to call to schedule the appointment, to return the library books, the post its on the door tell me. 
remember that this is your own life, and the only one you get, so forget "making the most of it," just love it. that's all that matters. 
notes to self, i call them. 
things i know, and how it helps me to remember.



  1. he will only be nine once. i will only be thirty-seven once. both are worth being all the way here for.
  2. if you're tired, don’t try to figure it out, or solve the problem or understand anything. just go to bed. what you need, is sleep. sleep changes everything.
  3. just because someone says something, doesn’t make it true.
  4. it’s ok, to feel all the feelings. they can come and go, like weather patterns, wild storms and humid heat and brittle cold, and you are still here, human and so very alive.
  5. don’t judge clothing by how it looks on the rack. try it on. if your forget, remember the favorite slouchy sweater.
  6. remember to celebrate. you can almost always find a reason. even if it just that it is 7 o’clock, and you are here, and to celebrate with a carton of potato salad from the deli and bare feet and a face messed with makeup after a good cry.
  7. pleasure is your birthright.
  8. you never really know someone, at least not completely. even the people you love the most. and sometimes with the people you love, it can be the hardest to remember. to be ready, to be always surprised, undone, open, ready to marvel or to walk away or to say, “tell me more,” and listen hard.
  9. remember the waffle house.
  10. i am not obligated to live out someone’s assumptions as to who i am or live up to their expectations as to who i ought to be. those are all theirs. they can have them.
  11. there is no virtue in needless suffering. there is no one standing above you who will give you gold stars for having stuck out years of chosen misery.  if it sucks, it’s ok to quit, and get on with it.
  12. sometimes the most loving thing you can do for another person is to take responsibility for your own feelings. it is definitely one of the most loving things you can do for yourself. for real.
  13. drink lots of water.
  14. patriarchy is not an idea. it is a system, that requires participation to continue.
  15. you are allowed to change your mind.
  16. making the bed in the morning can start the whole day off with a feeling of rightness. staying in bed all day can heal you. knowing when it’s time, then, to get up, and start again, can be one of those moments when the whole world rushes in to welcome you.
  17. you don’t have to wait for a special occasion, to the do the things you really want to do.